My story is about God’s grace,His power and His timing. My heritage is Jewish and my parents were the first generation born in this country. While my father’s family followed orthodox customs when he was a child,our family practiced ‘conservative’ Judaism,a less intense,middle of the road form of Judaism. Our family celebrated the major Jewish holidays and went to synagogue occasionally,but our religion was cultural in nature. Home life was happy and safe and blessed with unconditional love.
I grew up in southern New Jersey in a middle- to lower- class, blue-collar town. An indelible impression was made on me growing up as I experienced a fairly significant degree of harassment and discrimination out on the ball fields by people who called themselves Christians. This hypocrisy hardened my heart towards them and the Christian faith. I was fortunate enough to have wonderful neighbors,a Catholic family that I have known my entire life. These people genuinely lived out their faith and consistently modeled Christ-like qualities. I admired what this family had,but at the time didn’t understand the root of their contentment. The topic of Jesus as the Messiah was a closed question and not seriously considered around our dinner table.
My parents sent me to a Hebrew school that I felt was too long,too boring and irrelevant. I admired the sincere devotion of some,but the Jewish religion seemed like endless ritual without meaning and relevance. Dutifully,I had my Bar Mitzvah at age 13. This is a celebration of manhood when one can fully participate in the faith; however,to me,this event signified the end of Hebrew school and freedom to go off and grow up on my terms.
There were many other things about the Jewish religion that I used to justify my eventual departure. The situation inside the synagogue seemed status conscious,pretentious and hypocritical to me. There were literally hundreds of rules,to which I knew I could never measure up. I saw God as a big surveillance camera in the sky. I did not perceive Him as a personal God who loved me and wanted me to know of His wonderful plan for my life. I certainly knew he was there,I even wanted to obey Him most of the time,but He didn’t seem like He cared or that He was involved in my life. I felt like I really never got to know Him. Not knowing Him,I didn’t develop a relationship. Not having a relationship,how could I ever really love Him and know that He loved me?
I never had complete assurance that my eternal destiny was secure. On the one hand,I had all these rules and regulations that I couldn’t keep. I instinctively felt uneasy about the impact of my lack of compliance on my salvation. At the same time,we Jews were told that we were God’s chosen people and that all Jews went to heaven. Deep down I believed God would be fair if,in the balance,I was a “good” person. I was essentially relying on my own resources to get me into heaven.
In my junior year of college I met Judy,my wife to be. Somehow,even witnessing her faith,commitment and inner beauty,I still did not comprehend the true nature of what her personal relationship with God really meant. I now appreciate Judy’s wisdom,patience and prayers in waiting twenty-some years for my acceptance of Jesus as my personal savior. Throughout the first twenty years of our marriage,spiritual growth was not a compelling priority,although as I have come to find out,it represented a critical need,a filling of a void that I didn’t know I had. Even though I reluctantly accompanied Judy to several different churches over the years,I wasn’t compelled to sincerely consider the truth of Scriptures.
We eventually visited a church that the Lord used to open my eyes. It had sound Bible teaching and was my first real exposure to Jesus as a supernatural being,as God,not simply the historical figure. I studied Isaiah 53:5-6,“But He was pierced through for our transgressions,He was crushed for our iniquities;The chastening for our well-being fell upon Him,And by His scourging we are healed…But the Lord has caused the iniquity of us all to fall on Him.” I came to know this was describing the death of Jesus on the Cross and that He died for me and forgiveness of my sins. I was astonished that this prophecy is in the ‘Jewish’ part of the Bible!
The “evidence” and appeal became overwhelming,which is saying something when it comes from someone like me who has always dealt in the objective,high technology and nuclear power. The predictions,the outcomes seemed too credible not to be true. Even so,my faith didn’t develop until I could see first hand the way lives were being changed.
I could see amazing changes in our daughters Tami and Andi that made me want to explore further. I had a real-time science experiment going on before my eyes through their transformations. I began to see and understand that there really was a void to be filled and that Jesus may be the answer to more meaning and intimacy. I could see an opportunity to share this gift with my family. I hadn’t realized how important this was to them as well.
I became convicted of my ‘sin problem’ (Isaiah 53:6,“All of us like sheep have gone astray;Each of us has turned to his own way,” and Romans 3:23,“For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.”), how this separated me from God (Isaiah 59:2,“But your iniquities have made a separation between you and your God.”) and how my sin prevented me from fully experiencing God’s love and plan for me (Jesus said in John 10:10,“I came that they might have life,and have it abundantly”).
My sins were pride,self-reliance and selfishness. I felt my success was a result of my hard work and not from the grace and blessings of God. My heart didn’t break nearly enough for the things that break God’s heart and I didn’t experience joy nearly enough for the things that bring joy to Him. I found out that there was a huge penalty for my sins –eternal separation from God (Romans 6:23,“For the wages of sin is death,but the free gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord.”),but there was good news because God made Jesus His provision for forgiveness of my sins (Isaiah 53:10,“He would render Himself as a guilt offering,He will see His offspring,He will prolong His days,And the good pleasure of the Lord will prosper in His hand” and John 14:6,“I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”). I realized that I couldn’t earn my way to God’s favor but He was offering me a gift if I placed my faith in Jesus (Isaiah 64:6,“And all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment” and Ephesians 2:8-9,“For by grace you have been saved through 
faith;and that not of yourselves,it is the gift of God;not as result of works,so that no one may boast.”).
I asked God’s forgiveness and received Jesus as Lord of my life and have never been the same since! (Romans 10:9,“that if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord,and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead,you will be saved;” and 2 Corinthians 5:17,“Therefore if anyone is in Christ,he is a new creature.”). I have found an expanded sense of meaning in my life that has brought peace,intimacy with God and stronger,loving relationships with my family and others.
